07 June 2011

Workplace Quotes

I have twenty-nine years of experience in the workplace so I believe I have every right to formulate my own conclusions about what life can be in it. This collection of quotable quotes are all my own; although I cannot naturally claim that there are no similar philosophies in some management manual somewhere.

Apart from work experience, I also have a master’s degree in Management. If that does not qualify me to write this piece, I do not know what will.

Some will be partially true and probably only within the context of the workplace I myself devoted a whole life time to. Some, I believe, will however be true whatever the company, whatever the industry.

Here are the quotes:

“You can sit down and meet all day long, but unless there is knowledge and savvy around that table, all you will end up achieving is a goddamned long meeting.”

“The co-worker who bitches the loudest about the memo in most probability did not read it in full.”
Corollary:

“Or, he read it in full, did not understand and it never occurred to him to ask his superior.”
“Many times decisions are swayed by the person with the loudest voice. The dictionary will say that loud and correct are in no way synonymous.”

“Year-end evaluation is when the boss is obligated to pretend that he has seen everything that you have done.”

“The employee who pays so much attention to what other employees are doing is obviously not paying attention to what he ought to be doing.”

“Working in a company is not unlike playing football. Everyone has got to know where the goal is.”
Corollaries:

“It goes without saying that if those on the field are not football players, Houston you have a problem.”

“The problem is bigger if it is the coach who has never played football in his life.”


“Control is sometimes an excuse for the employee behind the desk to exercise authority when a simple call upstairs can have your requisition processed.”

“Symptomatic of the According-to Syndrome is when an employee makes an alleged quote from someone in upper management to get an advantage over a fellow employee.”

“Whoever wants Facebook blocked from the company LAN has probably not figured out how to use Facebook to the company’s advantage.”
Corollary:

“And he is probably anti-social to begin with…”
“Historical context must never be overlooked by those in management. The policy that is issued to supersede a previous one may only end up restoring a problem the superseded policy had already solved.”

“The new employee gets to sit in the committee nobody else wants to sit in.”

“The statement ‘It’s not in the budget’ is frequently used to kill a requisition. Budget will not pay for a commodity. Cash will – and ‘cash’ and ‘budget’ are not the same.”

“A stressful weekend is that Friday afternoon office problem that your restive mind will not let go of till Monday morning.”

“Just when you think that nobody cares about that quiet employee who minds his own business and types at his keyboard all day long, he gets promoted.”

“Procrastination is the instruction your boss e-mailed you 6 months ago that you hoped he would forget all about until he checked his Sent Messages folder and asked you about it.”
Corollary:

“It is never a waste of time to ask your boss if he saves the e-mails he sends.”
“Taking care of employees’ welfare is more the key to productivity and creativity than restrictive company rules and regulations. Welfare is not always about expenses.”

“Everything begins and ends at HR.”

Corollaries:
“The problem employee is as much due to HR as the employee who rakes in the accolades.”

“There will always be both gold and gravel in any organization.”








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