01 July 2011

25 Random Things Not Really About Me

In late 2008 and early 2009, there used to be this silly Facebook game called the “25 Random Things About Me.” The concept was simple. You wrote 25 trivial things about yourself and then you tagged people. Being tagged sort of obligated people to write their own; and in turn, they were asked to tag others. It was conceptually a great way to make people keep going back to their Facebook accounts.

I thought it was silly and had absolutely no plans to participate; until one night, I just thought, what the heck. Being me, I had to do it my own way, of course. That is, with a twist. It was not really about me. Here is the old Facebook Note:

This is my own take on this silly Facebook game called “25 Random Things About Me.” Read on and see why it really is not about me. Because I can be extremely contrary when I want to be, I shall also not be tagging anyone. Anyone who cares, feel free to read:

1. I think this game called “25 Random Things” is Facebook’s version of spam. In a way, it’s brilliant because it allows members to know friends and acquaintances down to the trivial level. But it also clutters up one’s wall…

2. I sometimes wonder, if Obama came from Batangas, would his name be Ogama? Not that I’m discounting the fact that he’s originally from Batangas and that his first name, for all we know, is really Barack-o.

3. I have yet to discover why Popeye has such large forearms. My hypothesis is because he works in the United States Navy.

4. And I think Olive Oyl has anorexia nervosa. She certainly fits the profile. Either that or she is due a dose of Antioch, a one-capsule solution. Not that she would look any better with more flesh on her.

5. I seldom watch Pinoy films because I get turned off by the overacting. It’s always nanlilisik na mga mata, nagsisigawan, nagsasampalan… It is said that the greatest challenge to acting is to appear as though one is not acting at all. Hence, my appreciation for the likes of Ate Vi and Nida Blanca, may the latter R.I.P.

6. I still mourn the passing of James Clavell, he of the Shogun, Tai-Pan and Whirlwind fame. I was kind of hoping, back in the nineties, that he would live long enough to write an epic novel about the Philippines. But… He didn’t! To this day, though, I still feel he could have given Shogun a better ending!

7. And I dreaded the collapse of the Soviet Union because they made many of Robert Ludlum’s novels so passé. Ditto James Bond movies. Come to think of it, even the much-celebrated “The Hunt for Red October” became dated the moment the Iron Curtain fell.

8. Cristiano Ronaldo’s step-overs make me dizzy. Fancy television step-overs, the bleeding Manc! He so loves the redundant, and actually draws adulation because of it. Oh, and he dives more often than a United States Navy submarine… Lionel Messi… Now there’s a proper football superstar…

9. It is said that if every Chinaman the world over jumped at the same time, the force created will be sufficient to generate earthquakes. I wonder why they have not tried it, if just for curiosity’s sake. [In all honesty, I wish they won’t!]

10. Erick von Daniken hypothesized that “gods” must have been advanced intelligences that came to earth from outer space. My counter-hypothesis is that they must have come from Mt. Banahaw. Either that or Mt. Makiling. Definitely not Mt. Makulot. Too small for the sort of alien spacecraft one sees in Spielberg movies.

11. There are no taxis in Lipa, and I have always wondered why. But the streets are littered with an infinite number of tricycles. Of these, there are only two which I can ride without having to contort myself. And I am just over 5’ 9”… Which means that there is no tricycle in Lipa that can take Yao Ming…

12. I have yet to see a movie with a time travel theme that did not leave me with more questions than answers. There is always something that does not quite fit. This is not to count, of course, Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventures, the time travel context of which was just plain stupid one did not bother to think about it. Funny, though…

13. I always have to remind myself that Sunday is actually the start of the week, not the end of it. This is a result, I guess, of the Monday to Friday work week. I suppose it’s not the same for people who work shifts. I know, for instance, of call center employees whose weekends are actually mid-week, if you can make sense of that.

14. I know people who cannot sleep without their electric fans whirring – yes, even when the nights are deadly cold. Then, when they put their kumots on, nakatalukbong pa! When you try to point out the most obvious contradiction, they somehow see none.

15. I think the Spaniards who first landed on these shores came overdressed for the party – and had the temerity to think we were heathens scantily clad in loincloths. Sino kayâ ang tadtad ng pawis under all that lacey European garb? Magsawâ!

16. All conflicts arise as a result of people looking at the same thing but with different eyes. Kind of like the two friends who went to watch a movie and then ended up nagsaksakan after a heated debate over the movie fueled by several rounds of Giñebra San Miguel. And I think that was because they both, for some reason, preferred to conveniently forget that they went to see the same movie…

17. I don’t think a lot of people realize that Mel Gibson’s facial contortions towards the end of the epic movie “Braveheart” were to depict the extraction of William Wallace’s internal organs as was the punishment for high treason in Medieval Britain – to be hanged, drawn and quartered. No, he was not being turned into a eunuch…

18. I have seen hailstones but once in my life, and I remember the date to this very day because it was a World Cup year: July 1974. I was at a friend’s house watching a very-much delayed Spain-Yugoslavia match when we had to turn the VHF television off because of a frightening thunderstorm. The amazingly loud thunderclaps were soon followed by what sounded like marbles raining down on the roof. They were large as pastilles.

19. I do not think there is any person on earth who has not had to go through the trauma of having to go to the washroom quick with diarrhea while riding public transportation over a bumpy road. The very thought of the effort one has to exert for muscle control makes me shiver…

20. Every difficult Geometrical problem can actually be explained by my favorite Geometric Principle: CPCTC. Alright class! Let us recite: Congruent Parts of Congruent Triangles are Congruent. Most convenient ‘pag wala ng maisip na ibang sagot…

21. There is a joke that goes Jews have large noses because the air is free. Does it then follow that the Chinese have small eyes because light is expensive? I am being inane.

22. There are few things in life more annoying than to wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Funny I should even mention this because I only ever wake up on one side. The other side is the wall. Strange where these English idioms come from and why they sound so right even when they are so wrong.

23. If anyone told me when I was a young kid that water would one day be bottled and sold on supermarket shelves, I would have thought that person was stark raving mad. Water, then, pretty much fell under the category “free,” much like air continues to be so today. But then again, what do I know? Maybe one day air will be sold, too!

24. Soon after a jet aircraft takes off, there is always this moment when the engines quiet down as though they have been shut down. I think that is the most frightening moment of every flight. Imagine naman that large metallic vehicle hanging in the air with seemingly nothing holding it up, if only for a moment.

25. I think this is the most difficult note I have had to write since I started writing my Facebook Notes. If only I can kick myself for being suckered into writing this…

[This story was first published on Facebook on 9 February 2009.]





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