19 July 2012

How to Defeat China in an Armed Conflict

Before you proceed, let me warn you that everything that you read from this point on is very much tongue-in-cheek.

With the diplomatic standoff with China hogging the news each and every frigging night, I suppose every Filipino at one time or another has reflected on the possibility of a shooting war actually breaking out.

Do we stand a chance? Why do you think Malacañang has gone on – like – forever about finding a diplomatic solution?

When I was in high school with a group of friends, once we passed the time assessing the pitiable state of the armed forces and tried to examine our chances of actually winning a war against a foreign aggressor.

Air power? We only had a few F-5’s and these were already antiquated even by seventies standards.

Sea power? Yeah great! Launch torpedoes from bancas!

A large army? Yeah right, we had the population; but where would we get the money to buy guns?

Tanks? Did we even have those?

Then, somebody came up with a brainstorm!

“Palusubin kayâ ang lahat ng mga pagerper na may sakit (VD), ewan ko lang kung ‘dî matalo kahit sino pa!”

Oo ngâ ano...!!!

Inexpensive, at no cost of human lives to the country and the sweet painted ladies get to earn a little income on the side, not to mention get the chance for a change to be of ‘service’ to the country.

And typically, being the inane high school boys that we were, everyone broke out laughing...

Of course, the Chinese with their one billion-plus population probably have more pagerpers to let loose upon our own libidinous soldiers, when you come to think about it.

Erase! Erase!

Bad idea, after all!


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